What kind of robot would you like?

I like to imagine being a super rich evil capitalist because it’s fun. And to flaunt my 500 trillion plus dollars, I would need to live in a massive mansion with a lot of comfortable furniture, heated toilets, collectable toys, and a secret mad scientist laboratory in the basement. But, big houses come with tons of management. You think I want to clean 1,000 rooms? Obviously not. I won’t even clean my own room. Heck, it will probably take me another decade after moving in to navigate that house because I’m directionally challenged. Still, I’m rich; I can get someone competent to do that work.

Like all rich people, I have to be paranoid too. I can’t hire a human to clean my room; they might find confidential information and steal my wealth. I need a reliable puppet to do all my crap. Like a robot.

But, if I got a personal robot, why would I have it limited to cleaning? You don’t get rich with such a narrow mind. It’s got to be efficient and unhackable so that it can help me get through my schedule, which consists of doing more evil things without getting caught because I’m rich and feeling spiteful. It’s quite a busy list like the classic blackmailing and hitting children with Booicks action. And even getting myself out of paying taxes. Can’t you believe how high the tax is for rich people from those charts in US History? Though honestly, I can't relate because I’m not there yet. But yes, the poor can suffer because I feel like picture number 4 on the mood board in Ms. Lehman’s office: Barbie smiling as the whole world behind her goes up in flames.

Anyways, the point is the robot will be the perfect accomplice to my dirty crimes, which means that I am going to have a lot of enemies that resent me. Those guys will probably stop at no end to put me behind bars. So, my robot has got to defend me from that fate; it’s got to be buff. This way no investigators can get through it. Those noses can try to stop by to sniff up gossip (and I dare them to), but my robot will concussion them out in a heartbeat and leave them with a severe case of amnesia. It will show the other guys how boss I am.

This robot is going to be around me all day and night. I know it sounds cheeky, but it has got to look cool and tough like my ideal future self. After all, it can’t resemble one of those ugly cyber trucks. I have standards.

These are all just stupid fantasies. I have morals (and a fear of prison); I would never play these daydreams out in real life. Still, I want to be well off. I hate how I can’t buy whatever I like in this economy because my parents say no to everything. I think a personalized helper robot would be a nice aid to being successful.

Comments

  1. Helen's Personal EssaysMay 2, 2025 at 12:17 PM

    Hi Kaylee, I think your blog was very fun to read. I liked how you started it your fantasy right away and you went into a lot of niche details about the design of your robot. In a way, I think the tone and narration of your essay was channeling another person which was interesting to read through. And at the end you mentioned how these are all just fantasies but you would still want some of them to become true. You start off with the idea of the robot taking care of your house but then you venture into the ideas of committing crimes, maybe you can make that transition a little better.

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  2. TuckerMay 2, 2025 at 12:26 PM

    Hello Kaylee, this essay is incredibly comical and wacky and you lean in to it very well. I liked how it almost immediately got into the comical nature of your ideal robot. I only wish with this essay is that I would like more descriptions of how it would do things. Mention how it might bust up those investigators, or what blackmail it digs up when hacking. I also think a physical description of the robot could help (but I'm not sure if you have enough space for that). If you do, I wonder if it rolls around on one wheel, or 10. How many arms it has, and if it has a microwave that I can use for my pizza rolls. Overall I think this is a great and funny essay!!

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  3. SalmaMay 2, 2025 at 12:59 PM

    Hey Kaylee, this was a very fun essay to read. It is very creative and full of personality which I loved! I also like your thought process when it comes to what type of robot you would like. As for feedback, I feel like you could have some transition sentences, since you are jumping from one point to another very quickly. For example, in the fourth paragraph, you jump from being paranoid about getting caught for your dirty crimes to violence. A transition sentence for that part will enhance and smoothen out your essay! Overall, great work.

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  4. Joseph T.May 5, 2025 at 10:11 PM

    I think too many people limit themselves when thinking of dream items to one category. I like your approach much more; why have a robot that's only good at cleaning when it can be good at everything else too. You keep the essay lighthearted this way, as well as spinning an unexpected twist that keeps the reader guessing as to where you'll go next. As for critiques, I'd say maybe focus on having a set theme (I know I just complimented you for not having one), but at least try to nail down a category a little better, as well as creating a more meaningful ending. Currently, the essay kinda just ends when you hit the word limit. Instead, it should build to the conclusion, in which maybe you could talk about what you're gonna achieve with such a powerful robot or if it's even worth having at all. Good post!

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