Responsibilities at home
As an elementary school kid, I never had to do chores routinely. Well, no chores except helping my dad with our vegetable garden, which never felt like a chore because it was relaxing. I never had to cook or clean when we were not hosting an occasional occasion. Expectations have always been like responsibilities that should be taken seriously. The main expectation for me within my family had always been to do well academically and help my little sister do her homework.
The latter isn’t that bad. My sister usually does fine with my old, messy notes, tossed in some overflowing bins scattered throughout the house. Thus, many of her questions are about where I place my bio or history or chem notes. Ironically, I usually know where they are. I guess I am messily neat. Most of her remaining questions are on math because I practically never take notes for that subject. I kind of regret it because she drags me off my bed to her room to write and explain the steps.
Still, academics are a big deal in my family. My parents have always had high standards for my sister and I to meet in hopes that we get into good colleges so that we can eventually receive a high paying job and be financially well off. Whenever we called my grandparents or my uncles, they would usually end the conversation with, “Take care and study well! Bye bye!” It's a responsibility that is expected to be held.
The academic quotas set by my parents have varied a lot throughout the years, but the demand has always been high. Grades were always expected to be “A”s or “E”s (our middle school used the Exceeds, Meets, Beginner grading system). English language arts and math practice workbooks had to be done by certain dad-assigned rough deadlines that would allow me to “Get ahead of the class.”
I am going to be an adult soon. Just less than a year before I turn eighteen. Cleaning up after myself is a new family expectation. It felt weird at first. My natural tendencies have been to leave the table after I eat, not clean the table every other day (in turn with my parents).
Kaylee Zheng
As part of feedback: the essay feels a little short. Help me expand.
I feel like there's a lot of substance behind the 'I am going to be an adult soon.' statement that you make right at the end that you don't really get into. You say 'It felt weird at first.' How so? You could expand on that point. Also, the ending feels really abrupt. I think you could definitely expand generally on the cleanliness point and other aspects of the adult thing like I said and then write a more effective conclusion, giving you at least like 100 more words probably.
ReplyDeleteOverall, you set up the seemingly two main points in the essay as your and your sister's academic performance. I think you could choose to either go further into what that means for you on top of what it directly leads to in terms of your actions (if that makes any sense lol). By that I mean you could definitely go into some personal reflection. You have solid stuff with 'I kind of regret it...' and other places, but I feel like I'm lacking a bit of that personal reflection and statement with the essay.
Whatsup Kaylee, nice blog! You do a good job at explaining the background to why you have certain responsibilities in your family. One way you could increase the length of the essay is to include more stories/narratives.
ReplyDeleteIt looks like you already have some places where you do that like when you mention your grandparents, but its more of like an example than a narrative. If you had one big story that related to something that you did because of your responsibilities (aka you didnt do something because of them) then it would both lengthen the essay and add some depth. We would get to see the actual effects of these responsibilities in your life outside of home. Also, if this is allowed in the actual essay, you could add your personal opinions/feelings on your pre-determined responsibilities. Great start overall.
Cheers,
Ian.
Hi Kaylee! I really enjoyed your blog. I thought it did a good job on description. I think maybe you could incorporate more of your own thoughts - what did you think about your dad's "rough deadlines"? Would you have preferred it this or that way?
ReplyDeleteOne thing you could add is why you have this new expectation as an adult - was there a conversation that prompted it, or did you want to do it, etc.? It would be nice to have a clearer transition.
You also could add more about the high academic standards - what did that look like to you in terms of workload? How did it make you feel?
I think you did a great job with sentence variance and the tone. Awesome essay!
Great blog Kaylee! I really like the specific and personable details you give at some points, such as mentioning certain subjects and quoting what your grandparents say at the end of a call. These details gave your essay a very authentic and conversational tone.
ReplyDeleteI suggest that you either expand on the responsibility of cleaning, or cut that part out and focus only on the academic expectations your parents have for you. How it is now, I am a little confused on how they're related, so doing one of these things would clear that up. Also, I think an interesting question for you to explore would be: What will it be like when I go to college and my parents are no longer enforcing certain academic expectations? What expectations of theirs will I continue to try and uphold, and which will I not? Exploring these quesitions will help you with your length problem. Good job!
Your structure seems very solid, and the flow of your narrative feels natural. It feels authentic, appropriately conservational with hints of our humor sprinkled in. I would like to see maybe a couple of specific instances that expand on your topic, perhaps your feelings throughout school and dealing with the high expectations of academics, or more examples of how much your parents prioritized studying and education. While you write well on these topics, I think your paper would benefit from more of the thought process that led you to your reflection. Were there times when you thought your academic responsibilities were too strict, or stressful?
ReplyDeleteI think you have a really solid structure and narrative, and I think you can bulk it up purely on expansion. I like your conclusion, and how you sort-of leave things open ended, specially since you are still evolving and such. Dig into your thought process. How do you feel about your expectations now? Has your view on these chores changed substantially? Don't be afraid to ramble! :)
Hi Kaylee! I really enjoyed your blog. I think you did a really good job explaining what your role was responsibility-wise in your household growing up. To expand your story, maybe go more in depth about how you're gonna feel about having all of these responsibilities when you turn 18. Will it take time to get used to? What habits are you going to change to get used to this new lifestyle? You could also talk about your thoughts on the expectations you already had growing up, like needing all A's and E's in school. Overall, I thought your blog was very enjoyable and fun to read. Great job!
ReplyDelete